i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
