Just fell off a train. Bad.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
