just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
