At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
