I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
