Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
