She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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