He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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