If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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