Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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