Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
