Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
