What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
