dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
