Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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