i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
