Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
