If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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