Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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