Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
