forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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