Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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