I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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