ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to sanitize my soul.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
