Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
