I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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