And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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