The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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