Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
