God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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