I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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