Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
