just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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