I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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