Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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