can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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