my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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