Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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