Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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