soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
