just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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