I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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