im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
