Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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