After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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