you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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