Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
