Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
