Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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