i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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