You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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