Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
