please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am midnight drunk by noon
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
